BioWare: April Fools’ 2010, New Dragon Age: Origins DLC

Not to be left out of this year’s April 1st foolery, BioWare has revealed a new playable class for Star Wars: The Old Republic, as well as Feastday Pranks and Feastday Gifts for Dragon Age: Origins. Believe it or not, the latter is actual DLC that’ll set you back anywhere from $2 to $3. Anyway, on with the Sarlacc Enforcer:

PATIENT, CALCULATING, & ELUSIVE
The galaxy is filled with every sort of riffraff, refuse and space trash imaginable. For thousands of years the brave souls who answer to the name Sarlacc have made sure it doesn’t pile up. As deadly as they are misunderstood, these determined individuals are the ultimate authorities on final judgment in the galaxy. A new definition of pain is waiting for anyone who would dare cross one.
Contrary to popular belief, a Sarlacc is much more than an extreme omnivore a misconception the cunning Sarlacc have been exploiting for thousands of years. Frequently, a Sarlacc will act as a mercenary-for-hire, contracting their services and their tentacles to underground groups needing extra muscle. Occasionally, one will pose as a trophy pet of an egotistical Hutt gangster, capitalizing on the perfect disguise as they zero in on their targets.
But the Sarlacc aren’t just opportunistic scavengers waiting for a free lunch; they are paragons of patience and planning, always waiting for the right moment to pounce on their quarry even if it takes one thousand years. A Sarlacc has no trouble keeping their sights on a target that has long since forgotten them. Revenge is a dish best served cold, and no one serves this dish better than a Sarlacc.
PROFESSIONAL COURTESIES
Most Sarlacc have learned more about the galaxy than most other professionals could hope to learn in ten human lifetimes. Not only has an average Sarlacc done everything under the double suns, many techniques that are synonymous with other professionals were innovated and perfected by a cunning, resourceful Sarlacc.
Every Smuggler knows that one dropped shipment could lose him respect and a year’s worth of credits, but only the insane would search for contraband cleverly stashed in the belly of a Sarlacc. Imperial Agents breaking the will of interrogated prisoners rely heavily on techniques handed down to them by the Sarlacc who are known to telepathically torture information out of their most reticent victims. Jedi Knights train for years to master The Way of the Sarlacc, Shii-Cho Lightsaber form as the foundation of their amazing combat prowess. Consulars of the Jedi Order spend long hours meditating on Sarlacc to develop the dissonant serenity that keeps them calm in the midst of chaos. Bounty Hunters a Sarlacc delicacy have perhaps benefitted most from developing contacts in the Sarlacc Underground; it is here that hunting and trapping are brought to new heights and Bounty Hunters learn to become great, or die. No team would have the skills it needs to survive its mission without the practice and invention of a dedicated Sarlacc.

And then we have this bizarre content that gives Mass Effect 2’s Appearance Pack 1 DLC a run for its money:

Satinalia, a day of wild celebration and sumptuous holiday feasts celebrated across Thedas, has arrived! In Ferelden tradition, gifts and pranks are exchanged on Feastday among friends, family and lovers. Now you’ll be able to join the festivities and surprise your companions with gifts that may touch their hearts or offend their sensibilities.
Feastday gifts and pranks offer the player a chance to explore the approval system in Dragon Age: Origins at greater depth by making your companions despise or adore you. These packs are available for purchase individually or as a combo back containing both the Gifts and Pranks.
Feastday Prank Pack
A collection of mostly humorous prank items that will significantly decrease your followers’ affections for you. Some of these items have additional special uses once given to your followers. Bodahn stocks the pranks in his store at the party camp year-round.
Includes:
– Ten unique Feastday pranks that your party members will love to hate. Each prank is specific to one potential companion.
– Two types of gifts to let you apologize afterward.
Example Prank:
Protective Cone Give to Dog to decrease his approval.
– Additional Functionality: After giving the gift, Dog can equip the item as a collar.
Feastday Gift Pack
A collection of mostly humorous gift items that will significantly increase your followers’ affections for you. Many of these items have additional special uses once given to your followers. Bodahn stocks the gifts in his store at the party camp year-round.
Includes:
– Ten unique Feastday gifts that your party members are sure to love. Each gift is specific to one potential companion.
– Two types of lousy gifts to let your companions know you weren’t completely serious.
Example Gift:
Grey Warden Hand Puppet Give to Alistair to increase his approval.
– Additional Functionality: After giving the gift, activate the item to make Alistair put on a puppet show.
Feastday Combo Pack A combo pack that includes all the items from the Feastday gift and prank packs. You will also incur a savings when the feastday items are purchased as a combo pack.
Feastday Gift and Prank DLC items are now available for purchase on the PlayStation Network Store for $1.99, XBox Live Marketplace for 160 points and for PC for 160 BioWare Points, except for PS3 owners in Europe, where an error occurred resulting in the items being released for free earlier this month so these items will remain free in that region. A bundle with both packs is also available at a discount. For more details visit the Dragon Age Add-On page: http://www.dragonage.com/addon