Satan Wreaks Havoc at Flagship Studios

Flagship Studios’ official Hellgate: London website has been updated with details of an attack they suffered at the hands of Satan on the fateful day of June 6th, 2006.

Shortly after THE PRINCE OF LIES entered the FSS offices by erupting a nearby volcano and riding its magma force into an open window while being pursued by a hundred thousand shrieking bats, FSS employees met ill fates. “People just started turning into strange things… At least, the people who didn’t just die, anyway,” continues Mr. Roper. “There was salmon fisted Pat (who really is coming along quite well given the circumstances) and exploding head Brennan. The worst part is Brennan isn’t even actually dying. He just sits there, then his head explodes, then his head rematerializes, and then it explodes again. What kind of way is that to live?”

“These allegations are absolutely outrageous,” says THE ANGEL OF DARKNESS. “Every single time I hit up any mortal crib some fool is all like, ‘Ooh-ooh! You turned my husband into a flaming giraffe or dying plague-monkey or something.’ I swear it’s just a coincidence. I’m getting a bad rap here. Serious. I’m not into that whole hurting thing anymore.”

But according to Mr. Roper, FSS security cameras tell a different tale. “You can see quite clearly in the footage that whenever Satan appears, something real bad happens to one of our employees.”