Thorvalla Kickstarter Campaign Update #4, $32,200 and Counting

The updates keep coming at a high pace for Guido Henkel’s Thorvalla, with the fourth one providing us with a sample of lore that was penned by the one and only Neal Hallford.  A sampling:

The First Chief, god king, the sea thief, the founder of the Thorvallian city-states. In the rest of the world he is considered the Reaver, the Snowfist, Father of Dragons.’¨  The people of Thorvalla believe that once all the world was green and lush, but it was ruled by monstrous snakes, and that they preyed on the men who cowered in all the low places in the world. With the coming of every new moon, men brought before them their newborn babes in swaddling, the third of their households, so that they could be consumed in tribute. And so the legend tells that upon the new moon of the fourth month, Thorval was laid up on the Bloodstone of Aing as a sacrifice.

And so there came first a young serpent, and it attempted to seize Thorval in his teeth, but his fangs snapped off as he tried to bite into the infant, and so was he thus repulsed.

Then came to the child another serpent even larger, and it too bit down upon the child’s stony flesh and broke it’s teeth, but still it held the child fast, hoping to drench him in it’s poisonous issue. But young Thorval merely laughed and drank down the serpent’s vile mile, and he in turn bit the snake back, and there it fell dead before the stone.

Enraged, the greatest of all snakes rose before Thorval and swallowed the child whole, and for a time all believed the wondrous event had come to a tragic end for the child. But the great serpent began to writhe and hiss, and the ground beneath its coils shook with it’s anguished fury. Blood boiled on its lips, and fire ignited from its mouth. Thunder came from it’s belly, a fearsome bellow the like of which had never been heard before, and at last the great serpent vomited out the child and fled into the Great Desert. And thus was Thorval spared of sacrifice, the rite of the thirdborn ended, and the close of the Scaleage begun.

As Thorval grew, he began to show astonishing abilities unlike any other man had ever had. When asked how he had come by these powers, he told them of his time in the belly of Ngvrr, the snake lord, and he had eaten the beast’s heart, and thus he’d come to know the wisdom of the world. And so it was that the men of the world began to hunt the serpents who had once hunted them. A new rite was established that a man was not a man until he’d slain a great serpent and mounted his fangs upon a helm.

And so it was that the Thorvallians began to wear the fanged helms for which they would become famous, adorned with prizes from their kills. But some men were envious of Thorval’s power and influence, and wished to have his power for their own. Thorval enjoined them that he alone had been blessed by the Skyfather to liberate his people from the Serpents, and that quest after snake hearts which they could consume would lead them surely to despair.’¨

So it was that in time the great snakes began to fight back in ever greater numbers, their distant breeding grounds encroached upon by men in pursuit of their Helm Day (the day upon which they could celebrate their adulthood) or those who pursued their hearts. So horrible became their numbers that it is said that no twig, nor branch, nor shoot of grass could be seen for all the scales that descended upon Thorval and his host.

So great was this war that the ground began to burn and blacken under the spilled blood of the serpents so that where they had died no living thing could ever grow there again. For a time there was no ground upon which men could walk, but instead men would walk and fight upon writhing mounds of serpent scale and bone, and they would erect tents from the rib cages of their fallen foes. So great were the losses of the Thorvallians that some lost in faith in Thorval’s injunction, and they sought the hearts of great serpents to eat, and they bathed in their venom. And indeed those who did partake of the hearts of serpents grew strong and powerful, but they were unequal to the Halfarr the demon spirit contained within them. And so it was that they were transformed into the shadowy Myrkynd, who grew fangs and scales and tails like the serpents, and they quested now for the flesh of men which they could eat. And so now Thorvall’s people were forced back once more into desolation, squeezed between the dual horrors of the serpents and the ravening of the Myrkynd, and for a time it seemed that the flame of man would be extinguished forever.

With only $32K raised I’m not sure a high density of updates can salvage this campaign. Might be a better idea to gather feedback, scrap it in a while and try again with a better pitch at a later date.