What If… Chris Avellone Wrote Everything?

Chris Avellone has always been a very popular designer and writer, and also one that never shied from offering his contributions to a project, though this has never been more evident than now that Kickstarter is popular and he has seemingly offered his services to any role-playing (and non) campaign in existence. Avellone is so prolific, in fact, that Richard Cobbett couldn’t help but wonder what some games would look like if Chris Avellone did, in fact, write everything. His latest column for Rock, Paper, Shotgun was the result of this thought experiment.

Have you ever wondered how Avellone could contribute to the Dark Souls franchise? One word: romances.

Dark Souls 3

(Nobody else could handle the romance subplots in a way that is fitting to my dark, oppressive world,) says creator Hidetaka Miyazaki. (With the possible exceptions of Joss Whedon and the Roman Emperor Caligula. Sadly, neither were available.)

Avellone has already started work on the first of the game’s romances, between the initially unwilling main character, and a giant sentient pus spider whose limbs are made of rusted machetes. (For once, I’m dropping the ‘˜no hugs’ policy,) declared Avellone. (Whether you like it or not.) Other planned romance options include an Elder Dragon that just wants to spoon, and a sentient swarm of hepatitis bees.

I’d be remiss not to mention the fact that Avellone claimed on Twitter that one of the far-fetched collaborations imagined in the article is actually true. Now, this is probably a joke, but a man can’t help but wonder. Is Chris Avellone actually writing for id’s new Doom game? Probably not.